Reverberations

If you think you can’t fly, try skydiving. It shows the limits of liberty one can get up in the sky. I had wanted to skydive for a year but somehow it didn’t happen until I heard a lady reminisce her first jump. I definitely needed that adrenaline rush and I registered for the very next day.

On my first jump day, my brother-in-law accompanied me. He also decided to take his first jump the same day. Both of us did the huge paperwork that had release of liability clauses in almost every single page and it required at least 25 signatures. Just the paperwork is enough to scare a person who’s ready for a first dive.

After registration comes the classroom session where a jump master (skydive instructor) describes postures and explains safety measures and stuff like that. Unfortunately, we had to wait a long time after the session and that is the worst part of all. I was scared to bones while waiting for our turn. After almost 2 hours, our names were called and we went inside to get ready for the jump.

First is the gear-up part. A jump master assits in getting geared and the harness fit is verified by another jump master. In a few minutes, we were all geared and everyone was assigned a dive-master and a cameraman. The twin engine double otter aircraft was approaching us. Donned in skydiving gear, I was standing worried and excited. Mixture of those two feelings is an exclusive experience you get only in your first jump:-). The aircraft was pretty big; it could seat at least 20 divers. All the members of the diving crew boarded. I was seated in between 2 professional skydivers and straight opposite to my cameraman.

The jump masters were asking me questions about my feelings. I could say nothing other than “I am pretty excited” with a big artificial smile. Actually, I was extremely worried too, but I didn’t say that (I could see fear inadvertently pouring through my eyes when I watched the video later). The aircraft was now at 12,000 feet and we were getting ready for the jump. I got hooked up with one jump master. Another jump master double checked the harness and the hook.

It was almost 15,000 feet and we started walking towards the door of the aircraft. At that point, I almost felt my heartbeat…Two more steps and I was at the edge. My cameraman jumped first and in the next 2-3 seconds, all I heard was 1…2….3 and we go….I was out of the aircraft and was flying like a bird at 15,000 feet. That AFF (accelerated free fall) is the most amazing experience I’ve ever had in any sport. I felt as though I am bird flying up in the sky. It feels as though I was in the air defying gravity. I could not even feel that I am approaching the ground at ~120mph. The air resistance gives the feeling of flight. In a few seconds, I was looking around and enjoying the lush green Oregon. I could see all the way from Mounthood to Portland. Oh! Boy, Oregon is really green and is extremely beautiful. (Not the east though, it is all desert. I happened to see those deserts while rafting in Deschutes river)

Before I could realize the altitude we had covered, we were at ~5000 ft and it was time to open the parachute. (It didn’t give any problems:-)).My jump master asked me if I enjoy rollercoaster rides. I said, I love’em and then the fun started. My jump master was maneuvering the parachute and we were going around the place for a few minutes. Finally it was time to land, but I didn’t feel like….

We landed nicely and the very moment I got unhooked from my jump master I was jumping in excitement……It was an incredible experience and I would say anybody who loves the feel of adrenaline rushing through the spine should try that once.

Well, now I’ve moved to my new home on the web after hibernating a while on a freely rented apartment (blogger). Thanks to Mansoor for hosting this. The UI uses the wordpress theme, connections by Patricia Muller. Even though all credits go to Patricia Muller for creating the theme, my inspiration for this customized version of connections came from a friend of mine, Shweta (http://www.shwetagupta.com/blog).

I felt that the theme was pretty narrow for most readers so I expanded it to fit nicely into the next better most commonly used resolution (1024×768). I wanted to make it floating, but felt lazy to do that much work. Other than that, it was pretty much playing with CSS, consolidating the php pages, adding additional templates for pages (haven’t used them yet), adding rotating header images, adding simple javascript for comment form validation.

There is something behind some of the header images; memroies of the place I hail from. I call it paradise on planet earth :-), trust me it is. The water fall, you see is called Vaana Theertham, the starting point of the unsung, almost perinniel Thamirabarani (aka Porunai). The path to the water fall is almost a 45 min drive up the hill (Pothigai Hills)from Papanasam/a few hours of trek followed by a ~30min sail on a motor boat. Oops, I just rememberd that I’ve randomized the images, so you will get to see a part of the paradise if you are lucky enough. If you dont feel lucky the first time, just try your luck with F5/Ctrl+R
Am still working on perfecting the theme, once I am done with that, will leave it here for download.

Changes are the only things that never change in life. It is just this sentence that got elaborated into ~50 pages in name of “Who moved my Cheese” and made big $$$$. Some changes in life are well defined and we prepare ourselves to embrace those. Some changes happen for good, some for no reason, some volunteered, some unexpected, some for bad and some are sad. Life is just a journey where you keep driving waiting for the terrain to change. Given that I would say we better learn to forsee, face, fight and live with what ever change is in store.

Generally, there are always lots of people around you when good and happy changes occur. They volunteer to walk up to you and congratulate, a few “best wishes” notes wait for you in your inbox, a few friends will be waiting for a party in the evening……..Is it always that way when a change happens in life..??? When the not so good changes start executing in life, the circle of friends or friendly acquaitances starts diminihsing in radius and when the change is about to be in its full magnitude, you are almost figiting it alone (except for the extremely few members who stand by your side). All you can see or get from the detached circle will be a Sorry word from some acquaintances, few “Sorry about that” emails, a few people saying “you’ve to move on”, and few people saying “time has the answer”.

Well, not all changes in life are reversible or healable. Here’s something that came into my imagination regarding irreversible changes in life. They say, picture speaks a few hundred words…..hope this speaks more….

I ‘ve just left it open ended because there could be multiple perspectives for this picture…..

I have had many friends who got married recently. Marriages have been both love and arranged. Irrespective of the type, they generally abscond from the society for a few months (I should really credit Sireesha, a friend of mine, for not doing that). While that is totally acceptable for them to enjoy the conjugal bliss in solitude, the way they screen themselves in front of other friends completely changes. I totally agree that marriage brings the virtual bond of affection and the emotional relation to reality, through a ceremony called wedding, that doesn’t mean that the preexistent bonds with rest of the world become void. I totally can stand all these changes except for one.

When a married girl addresses her hubby to a friend (a guy) 99% she says “My husband blah..blah..blah..”. This happens even if the third person is a good friend of that “my husband”. When I put myself in that third person’s shoes I infer those words as weapons of alienation. I also see through those words as eruptions of possessiveness. What ever that may be, I feel the usage very inappropriate in that context. Just to substantiate my sincere thoughts, I watched when some married guys were referring to their wives in casual conversations. None of them addressed their better half as “my wife..blah..blah..blah..” when the third person knew his wife as a friend.

What difference does a marriage make in the way the couple sees other relationships? Even if they see the world through new eyes, how different is it for married girls to address their hero just as they used to before. They never say “my boyfriend…blah..blah…blah…”. When they are in a relationship, they utter their boyfriend’s name for every smile and sigh. Why does that change all of a sudden after getting married? If that change is out of immense respect (like those of historical wives who don’t speak out their hubby’s name), it is totally acceptable. But it doesn’t seem to be so. How hard it is for them to say ” blah..blah..blah…” when referring to their hubbies? This phenomenon happens especially when they address their hubbies in front other guys. In an all-girls discussion, they happen to be as they were before getting married. They let the name of their hubbies fly in the air almost for every sentence.

Why do married girls alienate their hubbies that much from other guys? Do they think all guys are gays to be behind their hubbies???

(I do have some friends who don’t fall into this category of selective alienators and I take my hands off the keyboard for a minute here to appreciate them.)

Pets have become partly a style and partly a sidekick for most young people. There was a person X who got into this wave of style and decided to look for a puppy. He searched a while for a good puppy satisfying all his requirements, but unfortunately for what he could afford at that point he settled down for a rustic country dog’s pup.

The new addition to the family started cornering lots of attraction and X smothered love and affection on that cute little pup and christened him Z. Z started having a life detached from his siblings and X started climbing up the life ladder. The pristine love X had for Z made Z forget the rest of the world and he was so engrossed in that relationship with his master.

Sunrise for X started with a nice long walk with his side kick. X had a lot of friends in the neighborhood that had fancy, smart, muscular, high pedigree dogs. Every time X saw one of those Labradors, German Shepherds, Great Danes and Dobermans, his thirst for a smart, stylish, muscular dog grew exponentially and he would throw an obnoxious look at Z. Unfortunately, Z was not smart enough to sense the spots that got sprayed on that virtually existent pristine bond.

X remodeled his house to stay on par with the neighborhood and the bucolic red tiled floors got metamorphosed to marbles. As almost every other remodeling plan, X’s plan went over budget and the first thing to be stripped of in cost cutting was Z’s kennel followed by few extravagant decorations. Remodeling got completed successfully. X was very proud of his achievement and Z got a new home with all new facilities. Dawn to dusk, house devoid of X was Z’s kingdom. Just like any other day, Z was playing around in the living room and he slipped in the mirror marble floor and broke his leg. Nobody to help; Z was crying in agony until X came back from work. X took Z to the near by vet and got the broken leg plastered. X was around Z as much as he could. When ever Z cried in pain X was there to pat him and get him to sleep. Though Z went through a few painful days, his master’s care for him blew away the pain.

It was a few months before Z got alright. As days passed by taking care of injured Z was frustrating for X. As soon as Z got well and was able to walk by himself, he was not allowed inside the house. X did not want his sidekick to play on the marble floors and drill a hole in his pocket. X couldn’t afford for a kennel and so he tied Z in a small shed that just prevented Z from the vigor of sun.

Months rolled and X expanded his social circle. He got a friend who was operating a kennel. X mentioned about his liking for a Labrador this new friend and booked for pup in the next available litter. Unfortunately X had to wait for a month. One whole month; when ever he saw Z running around, he let his dream horse run unsaddled in the wild thinking about his future puppy. Sleeps and wakes brought that day to reality and something struck Z like an epiphany and he didn’t let X go to work that day. X tried hard for a while and then pushed him out of the way. The new litter was ready as he expected and he took a chocolate lab home on his way back from work. The very sight of the new addition made Z to realize the epiphany. He could give a face to those sunrise feelings by sunset within one revolution. It didn’t take a long for Z to realize that he lost his prime position X’s heart. Z was a bit annoyed initially but he got used to it.

As days rolled by Z was sidelined in the interest of the family and Y was getting all the attention. Y grew up a bit and was able to run around now. Pranks of Z were welcomed with a frown and that of Y was embraced with a smile. Z did realize that he was getting sidelined, but did not make conclusions with the repercussions of the nascent craze of X.

Y started playing inside the house and as usual Z was guarding the fences, happily wagging at the neighbors and vigorously barking at strangers and trespassers. Z was getting his food and was almost avoided because of the new addition to the family seemed to be more entertaining for them. He did not bother much because he had received undivided attention when he was a cute little pup. He still was the same loyal soul that sat out side house keeping harm at bay for its inhabitants. He was same sweet, serene sidekick of X. Occasionally X would walk by the shed and Z would be jumping in happiness. With a flashback of his morning walks, X would pat Z a few times and continue his walk. Those few pats became the happiest moments in Z’s life.

Monsoon started and the Z was finding it hard in that one sided shed. As days passed by he made good friendship with the wicked weather. Suddenly one day when X got back from work he saw his new darling limping with three legs. Guess what, Y broke his leg too. X went running to the vet and got the broken leg treated. The very next day, he planned for redoing the flooring in one of the rooms so that Y can use that room for playing. One of the rooms got reincarnated with nice non-slippery floors and that was dedicated for Y. (May be things that come easily are not worthy ? )

The pats that used to be the sole sense of happiness for Z also started declining. X just kept Z alive by feeding him regularly. It was a superb Saturday morning with the sun just showing up and a nice breeze floating around. X felt like going for a walk and for some reason he went to get his sidekick. Z would never have expected that in his wildest dreams. X, donned in his walking costume, walked close to Z who immediately sensed that he is going to be taken out for a walk. Z’s joy knew no bounds and he was walking in seventh heaven. X also carried a ball in his hand. It was the same ball that he used for playing with Z almost a year before. When Z noticed the ball, a lovely colorful flashback streamed through his mind igniting a feeling of ecstasy.

He was walking almost glued to his master. As usual, all the neighbors passed by X and Z with their great pedigree dogs. All those fancy and bulky pets did not kindle the mean mind of X that used to give Z an abhorrent look. Z was walking by his master’s side in ecstasy. He had almost forgotten how it feels to be in that state of mind. They stopped in their regular spot and X continued his breathing exercises as Z watched.

Now it was the time for them to start heading back home. They started and Z was looking at the ball in X’s hand periodically, expecting it to be thrown for him play. They were just around the corner and the X did not throw the ball till now.
X reached the house with one had on the gate, he threw the ball far away. Z was anxiously waiting for that moment and he started sprinting in full speed to catch. He was a bit slower than he used to be because he hasn’t played for a while. He was running with a constant look at the projectile of the ball. Yes, and he caught the ball perfectly. He turned around to show his achievement to his master. All he could see was a closed gate.

Z ran to the gate and was searched for his master. He dropped the ball and went all around the place in search of X. He could not find him anywhere in the neighborhood. It was almost noon when Z headed back home to check there again. Still the gate was closed. He decided to wait by the gate side for the next few hours to see if his master will get back from work. Sun started going down and it was almost time for the hand shake of the sunset and moonrise, and there came his master’s car. Z could identify that it was his master on the driver’s corner of the car. In less than a second, Z’s face was lit up with unbounded happiness.

The car stopped right in front of the house where it used to every day and X opened the door and walked out. As soon as the door was opened, Z was jumping all over the side. X walked out and went to the gate, unlocked, and gave a gentle push. The gates opened completely with a screeching sound. Y came running from his room to the main door of the house with his half sounding bark. Z was almost ready to walk in through the door. X noticed it and he was standing still for a second making a hard decision.

The decision was made and he ran inside, kicked Z as hard as he could. Z did got pushed out a few feet and he didn’t know why that happened. He got up and realized that his leg was badly hurt. He just limped back towards his master. X not wanting to see that, picked up the biggest of the pebble by the side of his fountain and threw it on Z. X was a good marksman, he got it right on Z. Z ran in pain and he just stepped out of the gate. The next moment the gates that used to open for him every day got closed for ever.

Sunk in sadness and lost in vortex of despair, Z just saw the whole sky falling on his head. He was just sitting outside the gate thinking of his past and his current plight. Almost all night, tears running down his eyes, pain piercing every nerve Z sat outside the gates. Next morning, it was almost time for his master to go to work. The gates opened; this time Z did not run into the gates. He just walked a little to side and peeped inside the gates. His master got into the car, came out, closed the gates and kept on going. He did not give a glimpse on Z.

Now Z realized he was dumped completely. He started walking in the streets and his fellow friends weren’t ready to accept him as one of them. Z was totally unhealthy and was stranded in the hands of nature. He led his life under the trees in the neighborhood. His life under that shed helped him adapt quickly to the surrounding. A couple of months passed by and Z was now one of the few street dogs that eat what is available and sleep where possible.

It was another nice sunny day and Z was just roaming by the side of the nearby lake. He was sitting under a tree watching people walking and jogging around the lake with their lovely pets. His eye was wandering around all the happy incidents happening around. Suddenly his vision was fixed on one and he was just tracing that all the way. As his head started moving, tears started rolling down his eyes and flashbacks were running in his subconscious self. He got up and walked further with his eyes still fixed on X and Y jogging away…..

India is known for the diversity in her culture and the unity(?) she portrays overcoming high degree of diversification. Indians are now not just diversified; they are also distributed all over the globe. Hospitality and Friendliness have been the colors of the flag that Indians have hoisted historically (set aside politics here…). Now, as an effect or as an aftermath of the distribution, the historical traits have either started to hide or started to be selective.

I have walked in the streets of San Francisco for a couple of years. Every time I get to make an eye contact with an Indian, I give a smile; not because I know him or I want to talk to him. It is a casual smile that does not mean anything. 8 out of 10 times all I’ve got back has been a stiff stare. I will definitely accept that stare if it is the response that everybody gets. Unfortunately, when a non-Indian passes by with a stingy smile a warm reciprocating smile gets returned in most cases. If the reciprocation can be given to strangers, aren’t Indians a subset of those strangers? Why are Indians strangers treated in a different way from non-Indian strangers? Does this depict hatred towards Indians or selective approach to socializing? I pick the latter because I still have a strong feeling that Indians are not that bad to hate whom they pledged as brothers and sisters every day during childhood.

I still think what could be the reason for this selective social approach among people. What ever reason it is, I reckon the behavior unfair, unethical and atrocious. Fellow Indians, my request to all of you is, please do not discriminate Indian strangers……!!!!!

Most emotional people have a phase in life where they end up waging a war against their emotional self. Though a part of everybody wants the emotional self to win; defying the whole purpose of driving the emotional senses out of subconscious self, the other part wins eventually. If any emotional person has not traveled this road, he/she is one of the few lucky inhabitants of mother earth.

When I think what it takes to fight in that war and how the war starts, I delve into an extremely gray area of life that I am still trying to understand. There is a huge difference in approaching something (this something can be substituted to any personal/private situation in life that deserved a war between senses of emotion and practicality) emotionally and practically. When the count down for the decision time starts, both the senses start their sprint towards the end zone and there starts the war. The war eats up your sleep, food and flesh for a few days/months/years. (May be it is better either to crush the other or get crushed soon).

The practical self just manages to win mostly (hopefully); the decision is made to crush all the emotions and walk in the new direction that got discovered as resultant of that insane war. Travel starts in the new direction of life leaving behind all the sweet or sour emotional sensations and memories. Then the claim bragging, “Emotional memories have been overcome successfully” comes into picture. But is that claim really true? Were those emotions overcome completely? Can it be drowned to doom in a miniscule factor of time?

Once in a while as the sweet breeze passes by leaving a sensation for a few minutes those sweet/sour memories pass by kindling thoughts about past days at least for a few hours in the next few rotations of earth. While absent mindedness and bad memory is making people visit physicians for cure, how are these emotional memories so deeply etched in life for everybody?

Left behind are few tears, few smiles, few confusions, few depressed days, few skipped meals and few sleepless nights. This is what emotion brings to life eventually. Though it is acclaimed that emotions travel beyond words can explain it looks like the destination of the road emotion travels seems to be a combination of subconscious serenity, dollops of despair, tank of tears, and a single smile. So, should we even ride the horse of emotions?

Four days rolled by this year and am wondering how different I am…Looks like am still the same stupid, serious person living between emotions and practicality as every other human. Now I will have to accept the correctness of the words “Being constructively different demands serious dedication”. Today there is a game, no there is the game of the year. The undefeated Trojans wielding their swords to hunt down the longhorns, who have traveled all the way to add another feather to the Trojan cap. I have no affiliation to USC but I still cheer for the Trojans. Not because they win always; it somehow happened to be so since the days of Carson palmer. I can actually say I will always be a Trojan fan except if I end up being a Bruin. I have sacrificed that game in lieu of my workout today evening. But now sitting tight at work am thinking if the workout plan is worth a rosebowl game. This is what is living in between I guess

How does it feel to get into to a South Indian restaurant all alone? How does it feel to order a monster size dosa and finish it sitting all alone in a 4 seater table? That is the feel of depression. That is the feel of loneliness.

The food was unquestionably better than what I could have made, but the feel of loneliness crept in when eyes wandered through the completely filled tables and returned back to the plate for the next bite.

Everybody around either came with their parents, or wife and kids or other friends. It was impossible to find some one eating alone looking at the roof and table periodically; expect me of course. If the movie Swadesh got me memories of motherland, this is another instance that made me feel bad that I am away from parents and friends.

I drove back home with total depression, entered my sweet home and let some caffeine flow through my veins and gave a serious thought about that disturbing incident that accompanied my dinner.

Then I realized that this is the road that every career oriented individual travels and I did understand that solitude can be serene.